Why I can't dance.

Or why I don't dance well.

The power of suggestion, a suggestion I received at a young impressionable age by someone in an authority position still has an effect on me more than 30 years later.

What has the message? "It is a sin to dance" that was what I was taught in church. And to this day, I have an inability to relax and really allow myself to feel the beat and move my body.

For awhile I just thought it was a lack of training, coordination and confidence. But I have taken classes, (yoga has helped the most in freeing the body), but last night going to a class on how to Salsa, I was nearly sick at my stomach....but I went.

The result? Well I did it, went through the motions as well as most, but what I noticed I couldn't do was move my arms and hips like the others, they were really feeling it, I was just going through the steps. So on the drive home I began to really think on that and realized I was experiencing the powerful effect of direct suggestion. Now, the conscious mind can rationalize that of course dancing isn't a sin, but deep in the subconscious there is a belief that it is. As a hypnotist I see this in my clients all the time and am always amazed at how a small statement from an authority figure delivered to a children 10 or younger has profound, lasting effect.

Removing the belief.

Beliefs can be changed. I am working on changing mine by thinking that I have never actually seen anyone dancing burst in to hell-like flames, or be otherwise cast-out. They always look so free and happy to me, not at all like they were guilty sinners.

The big sin for me was leaving poor Alec E on the dance floor in high school..I promised to dance with him to that popular Bad Company song and panicked and hid from him...still feel a little guilty to this day about that, so sorry Alec.

Changing that belief will require giving myself permission to make an adult decision about what I want to do (weighing consequences if there are any). And then getting in touch with that free spirit part that knows how to move and allowing her to groove. Dance training and practice are also helpful.

Keep in mind the power of direction suggestion, whenever a person is young and impressionable, experiencing deep emotion, or hurt physically anything you say bypasses the critical factor of the conscious mind and goes straight for the subconscious where is stays until released or transformed.

Reveal Your Adventurous Side, I Did.

I never expected to be swimming in a dark cave on Christmas morning. My son Preston and I didn't know what to expect during that long bus ride through the heart of the Cayo district. When we arrived the guide led us through the jungle for about 45 minutes on foot. Then he handed out helmets with headlamps, jumped in the water up to his chest and said, "let's go, stay close behind!" Three hours later we emerged into the sun and ate a fabulous lunch....it very challenging physically and mentally, the darkness plays tricks with the senses.

The next day we paddled to San Ignacio, about 2 hours away from the river camp where we were staying. Talk about intimidating...floating down the river in Central America heading for a town we never had been and the only directions where to exit the river at the "concrete block on the left." My son and I did it and had the best tacos in a little place most people in Dallas would never dare go in. I love allowing my adventurous side to come out in Belize.

This year I heading back to Belize with Dawn Heyl. She and I are leading a tour beginning Oct 22, it is too late to join us for this one, but we will bring you updates of our experience.

Pushing My Buttons

It doesn't happen very often, but when it does it punches my button really hard.

What is it? Finding myself working with someone that reminds me of my......ex-husband!

Ouch right in the gut (the power center of the body!) I couldn't quite put my finger on it at first. There were these annoyances that led me to behave in a very old, non-production style..."I was not very nice" and certainly not the "me" I know.

So, there seems to be two schools of thought on the best way to handle these uncomfortable situations:

1) use this situation to learn a new behavior

Here is a process I use with clients:

• what am I feeling? (really annoyed)
• why do I feel this way (I am not being listened to, have to repeat myself)
  
• could this be an old feeling? (absolutely, Dad wasn't too good at that)
  
• new thought and response (this isn't Dad, it is okay to express to this person what my needs are)
  

or 2) stay the heck away from people like that.

I chose the first one and it was very much like marriage counseling again, "when you do this, I feel..." But after I explained to him that it was really important for me to have someone listen, he admitted he hadn't been very engaged. He apologized and I suggested new methods to help keep him focused.

Going forward I am going be very aware of my basic need: to have someone pay attention when talking. If this need isn't getting met, I can choose to make it known to the person otherwise preoccupied or, let it fester until...

So which method do you use when confronted with difficult people? I'd love to hear them.

Deadline approaching

Aug 20 is it.

The last chance to make you reservation for our trip to Belize and our rain forest vacation.

6 other women have make the decision...some of them without jobs, some not sure how they'll pay the balance...but they know that they will return from the trip transformed and there is no price to put on that.

Won't you join us?
Send an email to YourMindCoach@verizon.net to reserve your spot.

We will send you the registration packet.

Fear of the Unknown

For one week my electric bill lay on the counter, unopened.

Today was the day. I was going to face it, open it and trust I would have the $$ to make the payment which was now due on the 22nd.

My stomach in knots I opened the envelope, hoping for a miracle.

The amount due.......$150.00 (miracle delivered)

$150? is that all? What? $150 in this heat! WOW, only $150. I have $150. No big deal.

Just think if I had opened that a week ago I wouldn't have dreamed that the bill was $850 because my unit is sooooo old an inefficient, or regretted not putting insulation in, or not having the AC unit serviced in XX years or feeling stupid for signing up with Green Mountain, which locked me in at a rate higher then they are now quoting.

How my little monkey mind sure runs wild. The next time the bill comes I am going to open it the day it arrives and rejoice that I have any AC at all!!!

Have you opened yours?

Guilt and overindulging

So a few of my friends have recently expressed guilt over their past indulgences in sweets, comfort foods, booze or sexual activities (okay the first one was mine). Remember this: it matters less about what you are indulging in or why and matters more about how we feel afterward. What pulls us into a pit of despair is our guilt about how we feel about what we have done...not the cake at the bottom of our belly or the empty wine bottles.

I'm not saying to not work on why we are over-enjoying (I'll get to that in another blog), but first let's talk more about guilt.

Guilt vs Shame

Let me make something clear: guilt is about "what you did"; shame is about "who you are."
Also, there is healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt as well as healthy shame and unhealthy shame.
And guilt can lead to shame. In John Bradshaw's book, "The Shame That Binds," he states, "Healthy shame is an emotion which signals us about our limits. Like all emotions healthy shame is an energy-in-motion. Like all emotions it moves us to get our basic needs met."
I believe the same could be said about guilt.

Healthy guilt causes us to consider not doing something again, or at least that is how it is supposed to work. But it is a cycle we experience over and over. It seems we never remember that feeling and we are off again in the "land of overindulgence." But, what if when we are feeling guilty, we could just forgive ourselves...just give ourselves permission to enjoy "a little something" from time to time, to partake in the pleasure (as long as they are not coming from a position of harm) without the guilt. I bet you would find that if you usually eat a chocolate bar and your face breaks out, it is the guilt that is causes the break out, not the chocolate. Next time you have a desire for something sweet, enjoy it in moderation and with awareness.

Have you heard of those frozen guilt-free deserts, that manufacturer/marketer was on to something.....now, where are my M&Ms?

Michael Jackson Died Of A Broken Heart.

Michael Jackson is brilliant. I admire him and his creative process. Unfortunately Michael was also a star and everything he ever did was brought out in public to be judged. He was also troubled and could never get ahead of it. I heard a few people say that now he is gone the children are safer...do you really think so? Let's remember him for his talent and the good he did for so many and for all the songs that still play on in our heads.

Perhaps Michael died of a broken heart, perhaps all he wanted to do was make music to make others happy. To free his spirit now, consider releasing him from our judgment of him, let's forgive him for anything he did consciously or unconsciously to hurt or offend and in doing so we can forgive ourselves for anything we've done to hurt him or others.

Forgiveness has tremendous power, even in death. His heart cried out: Let's free Michael to sing from his heart without judgment. Let him know he made a difference. Peace to you dear brother.