Pushing My Buttons

It doesn't happen very often, but when it does it punches my button really hard.

What is it? Finding myself working with someone that reminds me of my......ex-husband!

Ouch right in the gut (the power center of the body!) I couldn't quite put my finger on it at first. There were these annoyances that led me to behave in a very old, non-production style..."I was not very nice" and certainly not the "me" I know.

So, there seems to be two schools of thought on the best way to handle these uncomfortable situations:

1) use this situation to learn a new behavior

Here is a process I use with clients:

• what am I feeling? (really annoyed)
• why do I feel this way (I am not being listened to, have to repeat myself)
  
• could this be an old feeling? (absolutely, Dad wasn't too good at that)
  
• new thought and response (this isn't Dad, it is okay to express to this person what my needs are)
  

or 2) stay the heck away from people like that.

I chose the first one and it was very much like marriage counseling again, "when you do this, I feel..." But after I explained to him that it was really important for me to have someone listen, he admitted he hadn't been very engaged. He apologized and I suggested new methods to help keep him focused.

Going forward I am going be very aware of my basic need: to have someone pay attention when talking. If this need isn't getting met, I can choose to make it known to the person otherwise preoccupied or, let it fester until...

So which method do you use when confronted with difficult people? I'd love to hear them.