Guilt and overindulging

So a few of my friends have recently expressed guilt over their past indulgences in sweets, comfort foods, booze or sexual activities (okay the first one was mine). Remember this: it matters less about what you are indulging in or why and matters more about how we feel afterward. What pulls us into a pit of despair is our guilt about how we feel about what we have done...not the cake at the bottom of our belly or the empty wine bottles.

I'm not saying to not work on why we are over-enjoying (I'll get to that in another blog), but first let's talk more about guilt.

Guilt vs Shame

Let me make something clear: guilt is about "what you did"; shame is about "who you are."
Also, there is healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt as well as healthy shame and unhealthy shame.
And guilt can lead to shame. In John Bradshaw's book, "The Shame That Binds," he states, "Healthy shame is an emotion which signals us about our limits. Like all emotions healthy shame is an energy-in-motion. Like all emotions it moves us to get our basic needs met."
I believe the same could be said about guilt.

Healthy guilt causes us to consider not doing something again, or at least that is how it is supposed to work. But it is a cycle we experience over and over. It seems we never remember that feeling and we are off again in the "land of overindulgence." But, what if when we are feeling guilty, we could just forgive ourselves...just give ourselves permission to enjoy "a little something" from time to time, to partake in the pleasure (as long as they are not coming from a position of harm) without the guilt. I bet you would find that if you usually eat a chocolate bar and your face breaks out, it is the guilt that is causes the break out, not the chocolate. Next time you have a desire for something sweet, enjoy it in moderation and with awareness.

Have you heard of those frozen guilt-free deserts, that manufacturer/marketer was on to something.....now, where are my M&Ms?